Sunday, February 17, 2013

about the HULK-O-STICKS and his female

     I have this thing on my mind from the day i payed my one year gym subscription 2 months ago (wich by the way is expensive like sh*t , 780€ normal, 470€ during a promo when a pizza is 7€...i understand why a lot of people are overweight)... last time i went in a gym club was in 2007 and people used to actually workout, but that was in the good ol' days....
     Now it seems you pay your heart out to see over-makeup-ed girls texting on overpriced smartphones while keeping the seat on the stationary bike from getting cold. And once in a while working out for 30 seconds....TAKE IT EASY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE....GEEEZ, you dont wanna sweat off your face's wallpaper, do you? and in this whole time i'm sweating like a farm animal next to them...i know that in theory  i am doing the right thing to do in a gym, but practice is showing me something else....and this is only the foreplay of this expensive "disco-gym-hang out"
     Let's not forget the usual see you at the my days (and i'm only 26!) that meant : we will kill our workout together. This is gone with the wind too..... In 2013 you meet at the gym so you can describe you're whole young and restless life, to complain about your missing abs (i wonder why they're missing?! but don't worry, keep talking, they'll come back all by themselves, they couldn't just leave like that, you do gym 4 times a week, dont you?)
     Dont get me wrong, i am not against socializing, but dont mistake the Oprah set with a gym. Even if we're almost extincted, we're still a few left that socialize but work out too, and if we feel like talking more, we go out for a drink. It's simple and logic, at least for me.....

     Now that I've (almost) finished with the girls, gentlemen it's your turn. You love your body, you worship it. You take care of it like it was the most sacred temple in the universe... or you think you do, cause why else would you wanna have a Hulk's biceps and back with Barbie's legs??? Add a S shirt when you're an M-L, a penguin walk and voila you're temple... dedicated to the god of humor i guess, cause i can't stop OH MY GOD-ing...
    I was telling this to a friend while drinking a cup of coffee when i had this funny idea  so i started telling it with a serious narrator voice "and so, another species has been born.  It shall be called the HULK-O-BARBIE, also known as the HULK-O-STICKS*. He's attracted by places where normal people sweat; you can easily recognizes him by his outfit, probably stolen from someone 2 sizes smaller. His favorite  companion is the decoration-bimbo species that hangs out in the same place (also briefly described earlier in this post) . His hobbies are blowing up his upper body muscles while completely ignoring the notion of equally proportions. It is not known to humans if this species has a real brain, or if it's as fake as its Dolce & Babbanna underwear"
So if you're heading to the gym these days, watch carefully around you, 
grab a sour cherry and enjoy!

*There's a saying in a Eastern European country that describes shapeless legs as two sticks shoved in your as*...


How does a woman end up being a mistress? And most of all how can a woman that has it all accept to be a mistress? because I am talking about the ones that know what’s really going on. What’s the secret component of her black box, the so called brain, that stops working and that allows her to accept such lack of respect? Because this is what I see in being a mistress: a lack of respect coming from the one that “chose you”. But today I am not talking about him, he’s just being a man, the woman is the one that says yes.
First of all, being a mistress is a condition that a woman chose to accept. You are not a mistress because you were born like that, or because that’s what it says in your identity card or in your daily horoscope. You are what you are because you accepted to go on when you found out the truth. In that twisted moment you put your stilettos on and you walk all over your pride. You went on for different reasons, involving the matters of the heart, or the ones of the bank account. 
The bank account is the easiest. No feelings involved, just sex, shallow fun, secret trips and expensive gifts. The perfect situation for the man, who gets back home to a na├»ve loving wife. The problem becomes bigger when feelings are involved, when the woman accepts being a mistress because she feels something for him, something so strong that she starts believing every lie he tells. And this is where all the drama begins…he’s a modern day Pinocchio, she’s in love. There’s also the third character, the big bad wife as he sais, the absolute which, b**ch or any other lethal mythical creature.
 No, honestly talking, how can a woman believe all that bullpoop? Even if she believes it or not, it doesn’t really matter as long as she doesn’t suffer from it. But when a mistress starts suffering she downgrades to – please excuse my honesty – a stupid woman. If you accept to love another woman’s man, to be alone on all your important moments, on holidays, on going outs, if you accept to share with another woman the thing you want the most only for you and most of all if you accept being (mis)judged by those who know the real story, well, in this case this is what you became. 
There aren’t too many cases where the mistress is more official than the wife, or where the wife is really related to Medusa, so if you accept it, it means you are able to support the consequences. But when you start suffering you realize you don’t like the game's rules anymore, and that is bad for you. Very bad. Awful. It means you are now a mistress that wants a family with another woman’s man. There is no interdiction about wanting a family with the man you love, but when these desires make you suffer it means things are getting out of hand.
Let’s be honest for a short moment. Most of the times the man enjoys this situation. He has a woman at home that takes care of all the house work and another one that makes all his wishes come true hoping he will see she is better than the wife. And when the second one knows and accepts the presence of the first, we’ve got a BINGO. Why would he ruin this ‘stability’ when he has all he wants in two places? The wife takes care of the daily tasks, the mistress helps him escape. The desire of showing that she’s far better than the wife turns the mistress into a  superwoman, ready to do anything to convince the man that she’s worth it.
And all of that being said, how do you expect the man to give up on one of his jewelry? As long as you’re ok with it, nothing will change. And if you accept it hoping that time will bring a change you are so wrong, it’s just an excuse you use for not feeling guilty for being a mistress. why would a man complicate things when everything is going well? He has two women that give him everything. His only concern is to satisfy them both and not to mix their birthdays.
I never believed and I never will believe that this situation is as difficult for a man as it is for a woman. They don’t worry as much as we do and besides that they have a great talent in finding an excellent excuse for every touch of wind that makes their phone vibrate at 3am, or for every football/soccer/basketball/croquet/squash game that lasts till next morning. So no, I don’t believe they’re living this situation as hard as we do. The only time we find excuses as good as theirs is when we cheat on our diet and when we want to be a mistress. "I’ve been eating air for the last three days, a big chocolate (and chips, and ice cream, and cake) wont hurt my diet", “he couldn’t come tonight, he’s having dinner with her parents, it’s normal, it’s his father-in-law birthday”, “some French fries wont hurt, I’ll swim 30minuts longer or tomorrow I wont eat anything”, “I know we cant go to the cinema, what if someone sees us? I don’t want you to have problems with her, we’ll wait until we’re official” (I don’t want my a**, of course I want her to find out and throw your bags out the door but I’m showing you how perfect I am and how I understand your concerns…)

Since when has love become a naivety catalyst? Seriously, I remember a time when women got mad for being lied to and, with the risk of being considered a real old school woman, I still get mad! Since when we can have our brains washed so easily? I mean why accept the leftovers? Why not look for what you deserve instead of grabbing what gets thrown to you? Why has love been used lately as an excuse for accepting to be disrespected? Why should true love be a secret? The hidden the relationship, the greater the love? That’s not love, that’s an adrenaline addiction; go do some bungee-jumping, it’s much healthier for your self-esteem....... 

Grab a sour cherry and enjoy!

*mistress is a long-term female lover and companion who is not married to her partner; the term is used especially when her partner is married. The relationship generally is stable and at least semi-permanent; however, the couple does not live together openly. Also the relationship is usually, but not always, secret, see full wikipedia definition

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Sour (Cherry) Introduction

The first thing i have to say is that it took me quite a long time to decide write a blog, not because i lack of ideas but because now a days everybody has one, kinda like a smartphone or a facebook account..... you dont take the trash out anymore, you take it on the internet so everyone can smell it...

Why did i do it in the end? Because i'm that kind of person that needs irony and sarcasm to live and in the country where i am since 2009 they're poor at this...and we all know that it ain't good enough if you can't share it, so i'm just gonna write about every little thing that gets my attention: social life, movies, books, neighbors, work, relationships, cars, commercials.... My idea is to focus on my twisted way of seeing life...

For all those big mouths out there that will come visit my blog, i'm telling it from the start: English is not my native language, i will make mistakes, i will have strange sentences, i will probably have posts in other languages too (no, english is not the only language in the world) , so if you don't have something constructive to say you'd better not waste your time here. No offense...or i might write something about you too...

In some of my posts i will be right, in some not. In others i will be right and wrong, depending on your point of view, but i am not trying to impress you, i am just telling what i see and feel at the moment.

So this is it for now..... let's stop blah-blahing and let's start enjoying